well, that idea was a bust.

i mentioned before that i was on a new medication and it made me feel like crap.  that was day 1.

day 2 was worse, but not in the same way.

my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for me to quit smoking.  i have never been on anti-depressants before and i was hoping that in addition to helping me quit smoking, it would help mellow me out a bit as i seem to have a “medium” fuse these days (as opposed to a short fuse).

i wouldn’t say i have anger issues, but i find myself getting really stressed out and i tend to snap at those around me.  those around me: ie. my son.  totally not his fault and i hate that i snap at him.  he’s a good kid with a lot of energy and he just needs more than i have been able to give him.

i need balance in my life and when i spend too much time doing only one thing, or being in one place, or being with only one person, i tend to get very out of whack.  it manifests in stress, agitation, irritation, and anxiety.

i’m not working, i’m not in school, and we are totally home-bound due to gas prices.  plus, with the husband working as much overtime as he can to pay the bills, it leaves just me and The Dictator for long periods of time.

so i really had high hopes for the wellbutrin.  mellow me out AND help me quit smoking.  2 things that are usually mutually exclusive.

OMG was it the reverse!!!  the first day, i got a horrible headache and my body felt all weird.  i could maybe pass the headache off as all the smoke in the air from the fire up near chico.  the sky looked overcast that day from all the smoke.  plus, it was hot which makes me get headaches too.

but the second day.  shit.  i was a bear.  i was simmering all day.  my boiling point was so low, all The Dictator had to do was stall for a minute and i was all over him.  i was alternately on the verge of tears or wanting to punch something.  thankfully, i knew that what i was feeling was not right and i did not hit anything.  but i yelled.  a lot.  my poor son, he deserves better.

and i smoked just as much as normal because i was so stressed out.

so…  no more wellbutrin for me.  i’m calling the Dr. as soon as her office opens.

the funny thing is, i know people on the drug and they do fine!  no weird side effects, quit smoking, feel better immediately.  apparently, that is not me.

so i need to find another way to quit smoking.  maybe hypnosis?  acupuncture?  don’t suggest that thing called “will-power” because i have none.  crap.

also, if you leave me a comment about how much i suck as a parent, or anything along those lines, i will not publish your comment.  i already know how bad it is for my son that i smoke, how bad it is for me.  i do not think it has vitamin C in it and crap.  hence, me trying to quit.  so restrain yourself people.  words of encouragement are appreciated, but not necessary.