i guess i picked the WRONG major.

when you spend 13 years in college like me (ok, well, not continuously) you would think that you would be at the head of the class. or, you would be good at your chosen major. well folks, it’s pretty obvious that i am not in the right major. for the first time since my very first semester in college, i have achieve a GPA lower than a 3.0 for the semester.

let us review:

Magic, Witchcraft, and religion - C. i was expecting this. it’s ok. the class was pretty hard and since i do not need it to graduate, i really didn’t give it my all. the teacher did nothing to make it any easier on us either. no book to follow, no websites to further research, just an hour and fifteen minutes of scribbling notes as fast as i can while trying desperately to write legibly.

Design - B-. again, not completely unexpected, but i do think it is a little low for a class where the teacher had no desire to teach the class. he was always putting his sculpture students before us during classtime, or he was in the sculpture shop working on his own pieces. plus, i think he did not like me at all. on many occasions when he was actually in our class, talking to students about the assignment they were working on, he NEVER ONCE stopped by my area and checked in. not once. considering he never fully explained the assignments and left a lot of interpretation to us, it does not seem fair that i got a B-.

photo C+. EXCUSE ME???????? what.the.fuck? here is where i am pissed. i thought i was doing really well in photo. really well. my photos were often better than half the class’s photos. my subject matter was more interesting. the technical aspect of my gelatin silver prints (traditional B&W darkroom prints) could have used improvements, but fuck, i’m in school, not a professional. this from the teacher that often told us how our work was our own and that was enough to be an artist. blah blah blah. you would think that a good teacher would at least pull students aside that aren’t doing so well and let them know. especially if they think that they are doing well.

here is the kicker:

Environmental Science - A: um, yeah. ok. i got an A in Enviro Sci. sure it was a science class for non-science majors. none of that boring physics and chemistry stuff. but i GOT it. i truly understood the material. i enjoyed reading the textbook (i know, i told you i was weird). it was online so i could do the homework at 6am when i am most with it. i have to admit, i was a little worried because i kinda rushed the paper on solar power that i did, but up until the paper i think i had the highest grade in the class, so i felt that i could slack a little with out trashing my grade. my best friend laughed SO HARD when i told her my grades. i admit it is pretty funny.

what i don’t understand is how i have gone from someone who had potential in art to someone who squeaks by in art classes. i used to feel like i really liked it, found my calling or whatever, but now….shit.fuck.goddamn. i hate art school. i have actually become a WORSE artist in the process. people say “do it for yourself, fuck those teachers” and i try, but the teachers are the ones handing out my grades, ripping me a new one during each critique (except photo, hence i thought i was doing ok), and generally making me feel totally worthless in class. i have stopped producing art from the heart because i cannot take getting it shit on anymore. i’m not the best drawer, and i know that prevents me from expressing all that i want to express. i like color to the point that my work has been called (and i quote) “garish and atrocious”. i’m just so fucking burnt out.

FUCK ART SCHOOL.